We’re Not Fixing,We’re Growing!

"It’s a maze!” Yes, it is. 

When a child is diagnosed with a learning disability, it brings a mix of emotions: shock, pain, and fear. 

Shock- if we didn’t pick up on the signs or if they weren’t as apparent; 

Pain manifests in various ways, such as anger, denial, or sometimes both. For example, parents might say, 'My partner or I had difficulties with academics…' or 'my husband didn’t start speaking until he was 4, but now he is fine.' 

YET, underlying all these emotions is fear- fear about the child’s future and their struggles. No parent wants their child to suffer, and unfortunately, our society is still working towards understanding neurodiverse children. Early in my career, I learned to listen to these fears rather than just the anger and frustration. I hope the future of a child and parent’s journey looks different than what it does today.

Current Journey Vs. Ideal Journey

 The journey feels like a roller coaster—filled with frustrations and a loss of control. Therapy after therapy, yet many parents struggle to understand their purpose, often following school recommendations without knowing what to expect.

Ultimately, we must understand that the parent holds the power, as they are the core microsystem in a child’s life, present from the beginning to the end.

Before we start the journey we must first address the misconceptions we have around therapy.

1. Therapy is the cure

   Accepting that difficulties are lifelong is crucial. Even a child with mild dyslexia, after attending phonics classes and working with an educational therapist, will still make spelling errors. They may continue to confuse "their" and "there," but they will be able to spell more complex words like calculator. They might still stumble when encountering unfamiliar words.

   We can’t eradicate the difficulty, but we can identify the child's needs and work on reducing the gap by providing strategies to help them manage stress and cope to the best of their abilities. I often have misunderstandings with parents about this. A parent once asked me, “Why is he still facing problems if he has been receiving therapy?”

   As much as I want therapy to be a complete solution, unfortunately, therapies are not a cure.

   
   

2. Therapy is all we need

   It's complex. There are various factors to consider: What is the child's age? Have they ever had intervention? What kind of experiences have they had? What are their areas of difficulty- attention, sensory processing, reading, motor skills, or all of them? What is their level of acceptance?

   At some point, I'll address all these areas, but first, we must take care of the most important step- the environment. Is the child accepted and understood in their environment? It’s not just about knowing the difficulty but about understanding how it affects them daily—their academics, emotions, and interpersonal relationships.

   

   Ecological Theory by Bronfenbrenner explains the complex mix of the interaction that the child has with their immediate environment(microsystem) to the outside environment (exo systems and macro systems) which has a profound impact on child development. To fully support a child, we need to look beyond just therapy and consider the entire environment they grow up in.

   When I refer to therapy, I mean all kinds- occupational, counselling, educational, all of them. They are part of a whole process, and we must recognize that each therapy serves a specific purpose. It is crucial to understand the child, the role of each therapy, and how they work together to support learning at school and at home. It must be a collaborative effort.

3. The journey is Linear

The journey of any child is not linear, but for a child with learning difficulties, it is even more sensitive. As explained earlier, many environmental and internal factors influence their learning.

The Journey is not Linear

One thing we must accept is that if, in two or three tests, they score 8/10, there is a big possibility that they may score 2/10 in the next one. My suggestion? Don’t react negatively. Celebrate the small wins and help them navigate failure in an effective way.

It’s easier to bring up grades, but much harder to rebuild self-esteem and I will always choose to protect the latter because it has long-lasting effects.

Where do we start?

Story time: 

To seize control of this journey requires acceptance, first and foremost, accepting the neurodivergence/ Learning Difficulty. I had a student who struggled academically throughout her life, with poor language skills in vocabulary, comprehension, and writing, which significantly impacted her academics. She was diagnosed with ADHD in Grade 8, which would have been the right time to inform her, as she had begun forming her sense of self and had always felt different. 

However, her parents chose to hide the diagnosis from her. By Grade 11, she was visiting random websites to diagnose herself because her friends and teachers had begun to suggest that she needed testing. Finally, after consulting with her parents, her counselor and I decided to discuss the diagnosis with her, only for it to be dismissed by her parents when she asked them.

 Their exact words were, 'You just need to learn how to focus; there is no such thing as ADHD.' Their denial took away a significant part of her identity, leaving an emotional scar—resulting in a sense of shame and lowering her self-esteem. Please don’t misunderstand me; I do not believe that ADHD defines a person’s identity. However, understanding ADHD and its impact on one’s life is the first step toward recognizing strengths and developing strategies to manage challenges.

What Is Acceptance?

Acceptance is understanding that their difficulty doesn't just impact academics but it could affect their quality of life if not addressed effectively. Depending on the severity and comorbidity it can impact their daily activities, social skills and emotions. We all are in this together to reduce this impact!

Okay, We Accept It, Now How Do We Help?

First and foremost,

• Create a support system- This is not to put pressure on parents, but I strongly advise parents to build a support system for themselves because the emotional turmoil can be long-lasting if not handled well. You should know that some days are bad, some days are good, and some are great. Surround yourself with other parents who have dealt with a similar situation.

• What worked for others might not work for you- Each child is unique, with their own individual personality and experiences. In addition, the manifestations of symptoms and difficulties in each domain may differ. For example, one child may be able to read fluently but struggle to comprehend what was read, while another may find reading laborious but fully grasp the passage's meaning. Both fall under the broader umbrella of learning difficulties, yet each requires a different approach.

• Set realistic expectations and timelines- Understand specific goals and timelines. Goals are steps—only when we climb the first can we reach the next. My advice is to break down bigger goals into smaller, more specific, and achievable steps. For example, rather than saying, "The child will write a full analysis," focus on the process: "The child will develop strategies to identify main ideas, organize thoughts using templates, and structure their response."

It's natural to experience a rollercoaster of emotions- no parent wants to see their child struggle. However, one thing we must keep reminding ourselves is that while your child may have a slightly more challenging path, with acceptance, understanding, and collaboration, we will help them find their way and achieve success.

Every child's future is full of hope and potential. The biggest misconception society holds is that disability means failure. We need to manage our fear and embrace the journey. Our goal is not to 'fix' children but to empower them with the skills, support, and confidence to thrive in their own unique way.