Understanding Masking in Neurodivergent Individuals: The Where, Why, and How

The Where of Masking

One of my students moved from a prestigious mainstream school to a special school, and the change was remarkable.

In his previous school, the challenge wasn't just academics. It was friendships, group dynamics, expectations, and constantly trying to fit in. As an ADHD child, he was always on alert.

When he moved schools, things changed – he became more confident, he found his voice, and he started putting his hand up in class. Eventually, he was comfortable enough to stand on a stage and speak and sing in front of others.

What changed? The environment.

He was no longer spending all his energy trying to fit into a space that labelled him as

"not capable",

"weird",

"disruptive",

"not trying hard enough".

We often think of masking as an individual behaviour, but it is a deeply social one.

The sly remarks:

"Oh God, he's in my group."

The judgement.

It happens in classrooms, friendships, group projects, lunch breaks, workplaces, and families.

One environment created anxiety, stress, and burnout. The special school was starkly different. It made him feel accepted and gave him the space to be himself.

We often think of masking as an individual behaviour, but it is a deeply social one.

It happens in classrooms, friendships, group projects, lunch breaks, workplaces, and families.

It gives one the feeling of being different and different is not always welcome.

Over time, people receive feedback from the world around them. Sometimes it is explicit. Sometimes it is subtle. They learn what gets accepted, what gets criticised, what gets laughed at, and what gets labelled as different.

Let's face it, we all want a sense of belonging, and when we don't get it, we adapt.

Sometimes that adaptation becomes masking.

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The Why of Masking

What I found particularly interesting is that while masking exists across different neurodivergent profiles, the motivation behind it may not be the same.

For many autistic individuals, masking appears closely tied to belonging. Research by Pavlopoulou et al. (2025) points to themes such as alienation, self-doubt, embarrassment, and feeling disconnected from those around them.

One of the most heartbreaking lines I have heard is:

"I tried my best, but no one wants to call me."

There is a feeling that there is a gap between your experience of the world and

The most difficult things I had to figure out while mentoring is finding a balance between helping a student to be themselves while also teaching the skills needed to navigate social situations.

everyone else's. Sometimes they imitate, sometimes they observe, and sometimes they consciously learn behaviours that seem to come naturally to others.

One of the most difficult things I have had to figure out while mentoring is finding a balance between helping a student remain authentic to themselves while also teaching the skills needed to navigate social situations.

For individuals with ADHD, the picture can look somewhat different.

. Research by Pavlopoulou et al. (2025) also suggests that upsetting experiences are often linked to conflict, criticism, attempts by others to impose control, or a deep sense of injustice.

The masking is still social, but the motivation may be different.

The question ADHD individuals is not

"Will I belong?"

But sometimes,

"How do I avoid another conflict?" 

or

"How do I avoid being criticised for something I did not mean to do?"

They often hide their sensitivity too.

A student of mine once said:

"I just feel more than the rest do."

Another student shared that he was constantly afraid he would react impulsively and become violent. It was a fear he seemed to live with all the time. While he did occasionally react strongly to what he perceived as an insult or criticism, actual physical altercations were rare. What I noticed was not the behaviour itself, but the amount of effort he put into preventing it.

In both cases, there was a constant awareness of their emotional responses. One spent a lot of time hiding her sensitivity because it felt like too much for the people around her.

The other spent a lot of time monitoring himself because he was afraid of where his emotions might lead.

In their own ways, both were masking. Not because they lacked self-awareness, but because they were trying to manage how their emotions were perceived by the world around them.

Something different happens with dyslexic individuals.

Reading, writing, spelling, organisation, processing speed – many of these difficulties are visible in academic environments. Over time, some individuals become incredibly skilled at hiding the gap; they want their difficulties to go unnoticed because unfortunately there is a common misconception that dyslexia has something to do with their intelligence.

The same may be true across the wider "dys" family as well.

A former student who recently asked me:

"Do you notice a difference in me?"

There was a difference and an improvement. She was running her own business and working hard and was really trying. What struck me was that she seemed to be masking more than she was managing. A lot of energy was going into proving that she was coping and that she was competent.

While in the same breath, she told me she was struggling with anxiety. To me, that is one of the biggest reminders that masking can sometimes look like superficial competence. In this moment, she was not just proving something to me; she was trying to prove it to herself.

All these experiences make me think that sometimes we focus too much on the behaviour and not enough on the reason behind it. Two people may look like they are masking in the same way, but the reason they are masking can be completely different.

One person may be trying to belong, another may be trying to avoid conflict and another may be trying to hide a difficulty that they fear others will judge. The behaviour may look similar from the outside, but the motivation underneath can be very different.

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How to help unmask

Safety

Feeling safe is often the first step towards unmasking. 'Safe' doesn't mean all challenges disappear, but they're safe enough to make mistakes, ask for help, and not feel judged for every difference. Unmasking is rarely an overnight process – it is often slow and complex and needs to happen in small, manageable steps. Sometimes it also means explicitly teaching children who they can trust and where it is safe to be themselves.

Environment

The environment is one of the major causes of masking. Many masking behaviours begin as a response to feedback from the world around us. While changing an entire environment is not always possible, helping individuals find spaces where they feel accepted can make a significant difference, especially socially. It does not need to be a large group. Sometimes a single friendship, mentor, classroom, or community is enough to create a sense of belonging.

Acceptance

Acceptance is often the bridge between understanding and advocacy. Many individuals spend years hiding their difficulties or trying to prove they are coping. Therapy, mentoring, and supportive relationships can help individuals understand their experiences and the reasons behind their behaviour. We want to hide less and accept more so integration can take place. Only when individuals understand and accept their differences and experiences can they begin to advocate for themselves.

Confidence

Confidence rarely comes from being told that you are capable; it comes from experiencing competence. Finding areas of strength, interest, or achievement gives individuals a sense of identity beyond their difficulties. Everyone needs some form of social currency, something that allows them to feel capable, valued, and successful.

Growth

One of the most important messages we can give neurodivergent individuals is that they are not fixed. Skills can improve, strategies can be learned, confidence can grow and self-awareness can deepen. The goal is not perfection but to move from constantly hiding towards understanding, accepting, and supporting yourself.

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Perhaps the biggest takeaway is that behaviour only tells us part of the story. When we look beyond the behaviour, labels, and assumptions, we begin to understand the experiences underneath. Two individuals may be masking in similar ways, yet their motivations can be completely different. The question is not just what we are seeing but why it is happening. Understanding the why often determines how we can help.

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If you found this article helpful, you may also enjoy exploring other articles on neurodivergence, learning difficulties, emotional well-being, and self-regulation.

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References:

1. Pavlopoulou, G., et al. (2025). Upsetting experiences in the lives of neurodivergent young people: A qualitative analysis of accounts of adolescents diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and/or autism. Journal of Child and Adolescent Mental Health. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcv2.70038

2. Cook, J. M., Crane, L., & Mandy, W. (2024). Dropping the mask: It takes two. Autism. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613231183059

3. West, S. (2023). Masking ADHD, autism, and dyslexia: Burnout in neurodivergent individuals [Conference presentation]. Nordic Network on Disability Research Conference, Reykjavik, Iceland. Retrieved from ResearchGate https://www.researchgate.net/publication/370764983_Masking_ADHD_Autism_and_Dyslexia_Burnout_in_Neurodivergent_Individuals_Summer_West