The Journey of Masking in Neurodivergence
- Sukanksha Bajaj
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Diagnosis, Delay, and the Cost of being missed
"She’s so quiet, polite, and cooperative – an angel to have in class.”
My mom was always shocked hearing this. Polite and cooperative, yes. But quiet? If anyone knows me, I am anything but quiet. But in school, you’re expected to keep quiet, so complying worked, but no one was asking why I was failing then.
What had happened?
I was overwhelmed. That quiet compliance was me feeling unsafe and lost in school. There was so much happening underneath the surface.
So being quiet became my mask. It protected me. But the danger was, no one noticed until it was too late.
I'm sure you can think of various occasions where you've had to wear one.
Was it because you were being polite?
Was it because of the environment you were in?
To be honest, we all wear masks – social masks, professional masks, and personal masks. They help us navigate the world. But when does it become a problem?
When Does Masking Become a Problem?
When we have to wear a mask every day, not for one night or an occasion but every day. When systems tell us there's something wrong with us for being ourselves. When we feel we must suppress our individuality and identity just to fit in. When the mask isn't occasional, it's constant.
Masking is one of the most common aspects in the context of neurodivergence.
From a neurodivergence lens, masking refers to two interconnected things:
1. Camouflaging—the conscious or unconscious suppression of our natural responses.
2. Adopting alternative responses across every domain: how we interact socially, how we experience sensory input, how we think, how we move, how we behave.
When masking becomes a way of life, not just an occasional adaptation but a constant state, the result is
burnout
stress
Mental Overload
How does masking develop?
First, we need to look at the intensity of the child’s difficulties.
For children with moderate to severe challenges, masking often looks like suppressing visible behaviour, especially when those behaviours have led to negative experiences, consequences, or punishment.
One famous clip from the movie ‘In Front of the Class' I have seen on social media is a child with Tourette syndrome being constantly sent out of class for his tics because no one believes it’s involuntary. The irony is that tics increase with stress, so the child is unable to control it and is frequently punished for it.
Many times, I still hear people say,
'They is doing it on purpose'
I often wonder, why would someone do something on purpose if it’s only going to make things harder for them?
Another common example is eye contact. Many times, when someone points out that a child is not making eye contact, they are pushed to
“look at me when you are talking,”
And the child then forces themselves to maintain eye contact, even when it makes them uncomfortable. Sometimes, I’ve even heard people say,
“I won’t talk to you until you look at me.”
This is one of the most common ways masking can be taught from a very young age.
In many cases, these signs are more noticeable, and they are often diagnosed by the end of primary school.
The difference shows up more clearly in children with mild to moderate difficulties. For them, masking becomes a way of life and often goes undetected.
These are patterns I’ve seen repeatedly: students who have masked successfully at each stage, but there is always a cost.
The Masking Journey in Neurodivergence
Masking can start at the pre-primary and primary school stage, but the way masking manifests changes depending on if and when it gets recognised.
If it’s recognised early, support grows alongside it. If it isn’t, masking becomes the way the child or individual copes.
However, the more someone has had to mask without support, the higher the cost—emotionally, academically, and psychologically.
Masking doesn’t disappear just because of diagnosis, but the environment determines how much of it is needed.
The Three Environmental Scenarios:
1. Accepting Environment → Masking Reduces
A shift was made in Grade 11. My student transferred from a competitive, performance-based school to a school that valued emotional well-being, offered opportunities to get involved, and provided a sense of belonging. I had never seen such a transformation just from a change in environment.
He became more confident. He started to figure out what he wanted to do. He began to pursue it.
That's what an accepting environment does; it lets you grow.
I saw this in very concrete ways. He started performing on stage. He wanted to give speeches. He was open to trying new things.
In his previous school, we were dealing with a very different picture—nightmares, emotional distress, and even moments of panic.
2. Judgmental Environment → Masking Intensifies
In more judgemental environments, I’ve seen this come up often, especially in higher grades. Many of these students have masked for years. By the time they’re diagnosed or referred, they don’t want to reveal it. They find it difficult to express their needs or struggles. Most don’t want to access support systems or disclose diagnoses like ADHD.
There’s a real fear of being judged, of teachers lowering expectations, of it affecting college prospects. So they make small compromises, like accepting accommodations.
And in many cases, it’s not just the environment. They’re also trying to come to terms with a late diagnosis.
3. Mixed Environment → Masking Becomes Selective
Over time, students learn where they can drop the mask and where they need to put it back on. I had a student who was completely comfortable in the resource room- she understood her difficulties and was open about them there. However, with her peers, she wouldn’t talk about it at all.
With teachers she trusted, her guard would drop, but in classes where she felt judged, she would become more anxious and withdrawn. I remember one class in particular where she felt very uncomfortable. When I was present, it gave her a sense of relief but on days I wasn’t there, she would manage but she would come back completely exhausted.
Tip:
Choose the environment carefully – if the school is more critical than helpful, it might not be the right fit. Make sure the home environment is accepting and understanding; there should be a balance drawn between expectations and understanding.
Even though I am not neurodivergent, I still masked; I was the “quiet girl” in school—polite, cooperative, and easy to have in class.
But that wasn’t always me. In the environments where I didn’t feel safe, I learned to become that version – the “good” child. The one who didn’t cause trouble, who struggled and sometimes failed.
It came at a cost, though, mainly to my self-esteem. It was exhausting.
Later, in environments where I felt safe, things started to change – I could express myself, I could try and I could grow. But that came much later.
Looking back, the difference was not necessarily my ability but the environment.
That’s what I keep coming back to – when we look for masking, we’re not just looking at behaviour—we’re trying to understand what the child is holding in.
Because quiet isn’t always okay, and loud isn’t always a problem.
And the earlier we notice, the easier it is to reduce that pressure before it shows up as burnout, emotional distress, or a loss of confidence.
If you’re noticing these patterns in yourself or your child, it might be worth exploring—feel free to reach out for a consultation.
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