In Sync: Why Building the Bond Boosts Learning, Performance & Relationships

Sukanksha Bajaj
Jul 23
5 min read

Updated: Aug 27

I didn’t read books until I was ten. Not because I couldn’t but because I was rarely given the opportunity, and I hadn’t really developed the interest. That changed because of one teacher who took a chance on me. She made a deal with my mother:

“Buy her the book, and I’ll make sure she reads it.”

Every week, she sat with me to discuss Harry Potter. That’s all it took. Less than a month in, I was hooked. I finished the book and then picked up another, and another. Fourteen years later, I met her again and thanked her for being my most inspiring teacher.

Another teacher once brought a goat’s lungs to class. I won’t get into the details of the lesson, but I’ve never forgotten how lungs work or that teacher. He was eccentric, but deeply loved. His passion was infectious, and we couldn’t help but be curious. That year, I won a merit award in science. It never happened again.

And then there was my PE teacher. He had no time for your feelings about sports. He wasn’t there to entertain or inspire, just to expose us to every game the school offered. I ended up being part of javelin throw, shot put, 100m, 400m, 800m, and badminton. Don’t ask me how I placed. But do I thank him now? Absolutely.

Good teachers come in different forms. They’re not always warm and empathetic in the ways we might expect. Some are passionate. Some are eccentric. Some are stern. But the one thing they share? Authenticity. And that builds trust.

That’s where real connection and learning begins.

Building the bond

Once, a parent asked me to observe a teacher and share feedback. I said,

“She’s young, but she’s good. She will learn but she needs to take some time to build a bond with the child.”

The immediate response was,

“No, I want her to be strict otherwise, he’ll take her for a ride.”

This was in reference to a child on the autism spectrum who can be a little defiant and does not respond well to authority. The assumption here was that control or compliance has to come from authority. But what if it can come from connection?

I spend a lot of time getting to know the child in my sessions. I ask parents detailed questions about their child’s personality. I play games. I observe. I meet the child where they are and treat them as an equal stakeholder in the process. Most importantly, I show up as myself. There’s a common misconception, especially when people hear I work with children who struggle with learning or behaviour that if I’m not “authoritative,” I won’t be taken seriously. (In fact, I lost a client because of this clash in ideology, click here to read my reflection)

In my experience, once you build an authentic relationship with a child, you don’t need to assert control. The relationship itself commands respect. I don’t follow a rulebook for this- I respect their autonomy and include them in decision-making. At the same time, I set clear boundaries sometimes through tone, sometimes through body language, sometimes with direct words but always depending on the child and the situation.

We often underestimate what a bond really means in teaching, therapy and everyday life. Brain science has a name for it: Brain-synchronisation. Research suggests that when this synchronisation is present, learning outcomes improve.

Simply put: when there is trust and connection, the brain learns better.

Science Proves it!

Brain synchrony refers to the alignment of brainwave activity between individuals or within brain regions. It plays a crucial role in communication, cognition, and social bonding.

Diagram showing brain-to-brain synchrony between two teachers during active discussion. Highlights how professional interaction and shared understanding can support alignment and collaboration in teaching. — Being “in sync” with students isn’t just about teaching it looks different for everyone. Sometimes it's discussions, sometimes it's active listening or turn taking. sometimes it's sharing a little bit about yourself. It's a two way street but the real connection can begin in small moments.

Students who reported greater social closeness to their teacher showed higher brain-to-brain synchrony and that predicted better academic performance.

Let that sink in.

The students' bond with the teacher could be seen in their brain activity and that alignment made learning more effective. it's not just with their teacher, it's with their classmates too!

So is it just in the classroom?

Interpersonal synchronisation: It's everywhere!

It happens during play between a parent and child. It happens between colleagues. Sometimes, even with your boss. You might think I’m stating the obvious and maybe I am. But here’s the catch: we don’t always make decisions based on this truth.

We tend to be task-oriented. We say things like,

“Let’s finish the puzzle,”

Let’s complete the worksheet.”

Even in moments meant to be light or relational, we unconsciously shift toward outcomes. Instead of saying,

“Let’s build ideas together”

“Let’s figure this out together”

We focus on the finish line. The result?

The process and the connection that comes with it gets lost.

Illustration of parent and child engaging in everyday shared activities like watching TV, cooking, doing chores, and having a conversation. Emphasizes connection through eye contact, turn-taking, and joint attention. — There’s no one right way to connect, just shared moments between parent and child. It's the smiles, the eye contact, the curiosity, the back and forth. Whether it's play, talking, cooking or simply being together, these interactions shape how children learn from infancy to adulthood. They also lay the foundation for emotional growth and self-regulation.

The same thing happens in workplaces. We organise team-building activities, off-sites, and trust exercises. But how often do we genuinely bond during those events? And even when we do, is it the activity that builds the trust or the connection we form with the people involved? Often, it’s not the game but the little moments. What do you think?

So yes, synchrony happens in everyday interactions. But for it to mean something, we have to choose connection over completion not just in theory, but in how we show up. Otherwise, we’re just moving through tasks and calling it togetherness.

Warning: Bonding vs Over-bonding

Minimalist brain illustration with quote: 'Balance. It’s not about control. It’s about warmth with boundaries. It’s about building bonds not dependency.' Promotes relational teaching and authentic connection. — It’s a mindset shift we overlook far too often maybe because it feels too obvious. But the truth is, it's the obvious that's most often ignored.

Not every bond is healthy. Connection doesn’t mean losing all structure or becoming a child’s best friend.

There’s a balance. You can be warm and set limits. You can be responsive without being overly liberal.

It’s not about being liked.

It’s about being real.

We often confuse the two.

What This Means for Us

Whether you’re a teacher, therapist, parent, friend or manager- the takeaway is the same:

People don’t learn from people they don’t trust.

And trust starts with authenticity.

Authenticity builds respect.

So next time you’re trying to teach, guide, or lead — ask yourself:

Am I showing up as myself?
Am I meeting them where they are?
Am I creating space for connection before instruction?

Because when the bond is real, learning follows.

Key Takeaways: In Sync

Connection fuels learning: Authentic relationships NOT authority create the safety needed for growth.
Brain synchrony is real: When we’re truly “in sync,” our brainwaves align, improving communication, attention, and memory.
Trust starts with authenticity: Children (and adults) learn best from people they feel are genuine and respectful.
Balance matters: Connection doesn’t mean control or over-friendliness. It means warmth with clear boundaries.
It’s the small moments: Eye contact, turn-taking, shared laughter- these build the invisible bridge that makes all learning possible.